Bavarian sugar cookie.

So I am not going to Utah. I have felt unsettled for a while and then on Monday I settled the chaos in my head and gut and canceled the flight. I just didn't feel good about it. I don't know why. I mean there are a million reasons including...Livvy doesn't have her swine flu vaccine, Lincoln couldn't come, but mostly I just didn't feel right about it. I feel better now, but am thoroughly bummed I will not be seeing Brooke at the airport tomorrow morning. I am bummed I won't be seeing everyone...but I am grateful for phones and understanding friends.

On a brighter note I am now 22. Frankly that seems a lot older than 21. I had a good birthday with little miss and my momma. We spent it shopping in the Stoneridge Mall. I loved feeling like my mom's kid again, walking through B.P. and finding the perfect pair of jeans.
The night of my birthday we watched Stranger than Fiction. I love it. Mostly I love the meaning behind the movie and the fact that Harold Crick is an IRS agent who's favorite word is integer. Here's one of my favorite quotes which really says how I feel about doing laundry, kissing Lincoln goodbye in the morning, and playing airplane with Livvy.

"And we must remember that all these things, the nuances, the anomalies, the subtleties, which we assume only accessorize our days, are effective for a much larger and nobler cause. They are here to save our lives. I know the idea seems strange, but I also know that it just so happens to be true."

A very happy Halloweenie.

This past weekend was fun. Friday night we went to Wicked with Lincoln's parents (they were in town for a little weekend getaway). I had an emotional breakdown before I finally parted with Livvy. I left her with a bottle but lately she has not been taking it so I was really not looking forward to being away from her for 5 hours.
My mom insisted that she would be ok and she was...although she refused to eat or drink anything until I came home. I called at intermission and almost got on a train when I heard her screaming. My mom and sisters are so awesome to handle my little monster!

This is Livvy with a cereal face.

Then on Halloween Lincoln and I hung out in Danville, carved a pumpkin and went out to PF Changs with Devan, Mg and company. Overall Halloween was a success. Now the only trick is to convince Lincoln that singing "White Christmas" is not yet ok...wish me luck he's been singing it since September.

No thanks.

So last night I held out for 2 hours...then Lincoln and I gave in and I held my sweetie and she fell asleep next to me while playing with my face and arms. Her sweet little eyes were swollen from crying and she seriously wouldn't stop smiling after we held her. I wanted to hold her all night.

Lincoln and I both don't think it's the time and perhaps it's not the way to do it. Last night as I lay between my little baby and sweet hubby...I realized life doesn't get much better. I know Livvy can't sleep in our bed forever and eventually we will get her in her crib but we're going to find a process that works for her and us.

I appreciate all of the advice I have been given and think that we will try to be creative so that Livvy feels loved and safe.

Look at that sweet smile! She's got us eating out of the palm of her hand!

Distraction.

We started sleep training Livvy tonight. She is in her crib screaming right now. She has those crying hiccups. I hate those. I didn't want to do the Ferber method. I wanted to try a non-cry-out method. I don't think that crying it out is good for a baby. I am out of options though. She has been staying up really late and waking up a ton. She takes over the bed and refuses to sleep in her crib.

She seems to calm herself down, but then immediately after we leave the room or stop patting her back she is back to her "mad" scream. I just keep telling myself that we are helping her develop her "self-soothing". Part of me wonders if the cry-it-out method is just having your baby cry so hard and long that they pass out. I normally just nurse Liv to sleep and lay her down next to me. It seems like that is a lot more natural then leaving her to sleep on her own.

I'm going to give this whole thing a few days. If she doesn't start calming down then I think I'll try something else. Can you tell I am really not liking this? Everyone has told me to be strong through the crying nights...so here is me trying.

Hot Linc.

Lincoln celebrated his 27th birthday yesterday. We had a pretty awesome day. He had his favorite breakfast (omelet) before heading off to work. Then Livvy and I BARTed in to have lunch and hang out in the city with him. We came home had some awesome dinner and a "Better Than You Know What Cake". He loved his presents and everything about his day minus the working.

Lincoln is an awesome hubby and puts up with a lot. He is always so patient and fun. Here is a list of some random facts about the man behind the glasses.

1. He loves to study and read. Anything.
2. He bought a jump rope to work out with and used it once.
3. He washes his dishes BEFORE loading them into the dishwasher.
4. He always checks the doors to make sure they are locked 10 times.
5. He is risk averse.
6. He sings Christmas songs to Livvy and has been since she was born.
7. He doesn't like rice.
8. He buttons the top button on his shirts when he hangs them up.
9. He gets dressed in the dark so I can sleep.
10. He is the best husband ever.

Thoughts.

Well, it's 10:33pm and Lincoln is still at the office. Today was a cleaning-stay-at-home day. Being alone with a baby all day is so different then going to work. It's so great and wonderful, but it also has some challenges that I did not expect.

I find most days (especially lately) trying to fill up the hours in my day. Lately baking and cooking have taken some of the void. I also clean...I never thought I would be grateful to have a toilet to clean, but I am.

The transition from a full-time student, to a full-time employee to a mom has been insane. I am constantly reminded of President Uchtdorf's talk about creating. If I make a clean room, chocolate chip cookies, or make Livvy laugh I feel better, happier.

Life is crazy. Every phase of life has it's challenges and I guess through all of them we just try to find happiness in the small things.

Today's small things were a clean baby and bedroom.

Almost there.

We are almost done with this busy season only 12 more days to be exact. Lincoln is so ready to be done. I am so ready to have him back at home.

Today we lost a roomie, actually 2. Devan and Rudy have begun to move out. We will miss them. I will miss talking to Devan after work and eating dinner together. Having him around has been so nice. He takes Lincoln to BART in the morning and he makes busy season not seem so lonely for me.

That's all for now folks. Oh yeah...Liv and I are coming to Utah in November.

Can't wait.